To Orbits,
Because I’m still shy about being congratulated, even by Orbits whom I love
Pretending not to know for a few days, and with the excuse of not knowing how to start this letter for another few days...
I put it off and put it off, and now I’m holding this pen. (At dawn on the due date… *snoring*)
Fascinating thing is, I live my life while forgetting my solo debut date!
Then around this time the company takes care to ask, “Yves… Please write a letter for your solo debut date”
I get surprised and, at the same time, more than a little sad.
So this year’s wrapping up too, it’s wintertime!
This year, winter has come particularly quickly.
Though I’m someone who likes the transition from summer to autumn...
I rubbed my eyes in the early dawn to meet but the fall didn’t come,
Should I call it the feeling of being left alone on an empty, cold porch.
So I’m still sad and don’t like the winter that arrived without any regard!!! ㅡ ㅡ
When it’s dark outside when I look through the small window while practicing,
Despite living through the same 24 hours, as if I’m alone living in a different time zone, not being able to get used to the much shorter daytime,
When I touch my phone with my fingertips, going numb even after briefly meeting the outside air,
Now,
I feel that I have no choice
but to face the winter.
But then, why am I always talking about winter and the same thing again in these letters?
Why am I spending these precious lines with the fact that I don’t like winter…?
Ah is it by chance that Orbits, to me, are like a school vice principal?
Am I in trouble?
(If there are vice principal Orbits, I apologize. I like vice principal-nim.)
These thoughts cross my mind ㅠ hahahaha
To say that it’s simply because it’s cold… Since winter just brings out lots of thoughts like this.
The first reason that comes to mind is probably, of course, inevitably, Orbits.
The reason why a difficult-to-explain emotion blooms, even when it's just one page of the four seasons I experience every time
is probably that the story of ours that I once left a bookmark in
was unwittingly reopened by me, led by the temperature of the season.
Though I’m not with Orbits every morning and every evening, it still feels like we’ve always been together
When you want to be with and see someone all the time, that’s love, right?♡
I thought long and hard for another reason, and I came up with regret, feeling sorry, and also anger towards “myself”!?!?!?!” hahahahaha
Many emotions themselves end up being the reason. Definitely when 2021 began, I wanted to live like “Anne of Green Gables”, so I actually bought an “Anne of Green Gables” diary, you know?
They gave Anne stickers if you bought it so I wrote in my diary daily and stuck pretty Annes too while wrapping up the day.
It wasn’t bad at the start… Likely, my friend Anne is probably asleep in the drawer. Sorry, friend. I read somewhere that to succeed, you need to develop various habits.
Of those, one of them was to consistently be logging, but I’m a woman who has Orbits so I’ve already succeeded.
Actually at the start of the year, like everyone else, I had already written the things I definitely wanted to achieve over the year in the first page of the diary.
And confidently entered the dreams I really wanted to achieve on my phone (though in reality I’m the only one who sees it…)
Whenever things were tough I took it out, but there are still so many things I didn’t accomplish haha
After just leaving it in my head, then running into reality, the me in the present and the dreams in my head got all tangled up, and grew even bigger next time, and later it just all felt so vague.
I hate that so much! I’m me! What can’t I do!!!
Me! A precious daughter of a mom! Orbits’ darling, Ha Sooyoung!
Even if it takes a long time, I’ll slowly accomplish them, one by one.
And every time that happens, I hope that Orbits will say I worked hard and pat me on the head!
But, though this is the second reason, it ended up being Orbits again.
Thinking about it, for me, everything after November 28th 2017 was because of Orbits.
As I was sincere in every moment, I was clumsy, so I don’t watch videos of myself,
Towards those who loved me despite all that, how could I not be thankful?
My Orbits, who are the sure, full stop at the end of my many worries.
The reason I don’t like winter is because I like Orbits.
Because with the start of winter, I feel apologetic towards Orbits
But,
Now I want to be thankful.
Because Orbits are with me this winter too
No, because, through Orbits, I’ll be able to bloom again after the winter!
Ultimately my start and end are Orbits
Even if the orbit of these four seasons goes round and round
No matter how dizzying it is
Again, at this spot,
I’m here.
Because I’m embarrassed to say “I love you”
And I’m afraid that a “thank you” would come across as not sincere enough
With my feelings, conveyed with great, great difficulty
I’ll discreetly fold the corner at around the last page of our November 2021 and go.
In hopes that I can open this page again,
With you, whom I wrote this winter passage with,
Around this time next year.
From Sooyoungie
2021.11.28