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[lastyvesniin] Goldfish (240222)

It has been a year

Since Haneul returned to nature

And I too have aged a year, growing a little closer to nature

And the seasons complete a cycle, reminding me of the body warmth of back then

Then, despite that,

what is it that remains the same, fighting against the gravity of time

I bury my head in the laptop and ponder

and realize that it's me, the way I am

Perhaps this heaviness in my heart,

this doubt when I breathe, whether I am breathing correctly

Is because the worries tangled up like yarn in my head

have sunk down further to the bottom

Because I couldn't believe it was real

Because the rabbit plush I hugged to sleep every night, denying nonexistence, wasn't enough

I began to part, once again

Every day, I step closer to parting

The four goldfish, beckoned out of my loneliness

Where did you all begin before you came to me?

I told you to stop swallowing the rocks

See, you'll spit them out anyway

I feed you well too

Also that is a wall

You want to escape?

Escape and you'll die

The four goldfish that I brought because I was lonely

Will not stay with me forever

Will never be in the same place with me, even when they are

Will never acknowledge me, even when I say the same thing again and again

Don't fight, get along with each other.

I see you when I wake up in the morning

And when I come home, I wonder about your life or death

Sometimes, I'm afraid to turn on the lights in the dark living room

I felt foolish, because I brought you home despite knowing all along

So today I just blankly stared you all day long

But you will never know

Goldfish are sad

I am sad


1 Comment

I am sad as well

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