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[lastyvesniin] Grief Counseling Clinic (230622)


After practice, back in my dorm, in the silent closet

I packed down my clamors into a diary

Which piled up layer by layer onto my finger and hardened

Quietly I gazed at my finger

And gathering the faint images that floated into mind

I conjured Mom


I faced my mom for the first time in a long while, the wrinkles between her eyebrows creasing deep

Her smile lines were not as deep somehow, but her mouth seemed to droop


Haneul-ie, who left my side

Perhaps because she was curled up every day

Her front legs had rolled up, which only after she breathed her last breath

At last straightened out


For some time, What is it that I could do

For what purpose was I born on this Earth

No matter how much I asked, the open-ended question of loneliness

Remained unsolved

I stood up my two feet on my revolving Earth

And kept, I kept, seeking the whereabouts of disappeared stars

Towards the empty, pitch-black universe, with a tilted throat

I exhale a syllable of a song that could extinguish at any moment


I still think of Haneul when I look at the sky

And so I started to look only at the ground

Soon enough, the top of my feet are submerged in muddy waters

And they cry, weeping, every time I walk

Do you have someone that you still ache over too

Do you still walk over damp ground

If I knew it would be this way, I should have named you something difficult

Like that, I spend every dawn mulling

It doesn't feel real that what remains of you is but a handful.

I keep finding myself hugging a doll about the same size as you.


The sky grows brighter

Tap

Tap

Tap

Yes, baby, bidding me to look out the window


'Unnie, today it will rain. So it's not your fault, unnie'

'Okay, thanks. I won't cry today'


'Okay. But unnie, how come you sleep in the sea?'



[Written on the box:

2023. 01. 15 Around PM 11:00, departed for Puppy Planet...

Haneul

Goodbye

Be happy

And healthy]


Are you well?


Forever my dongsaeng


Today I packed my things from the practice room and brought them back.ᐟ

Many thoughts are running through my head, so I am recording my day.


Footsteps made over the damp ground

Will disappear when the rain falls

I console your grief

With grief

Once again today, wishing you peace

For each of you that I've reached by coincidence, your names unknown, but beloved by me

Wishing that the long, long rainy season that's approached us

Will not be feared

🫶



 

Comments section:


Yves: This seems just about the time when you might lie in bed and read this, so I'm posting this now. You've all worked so hard today, love ya more than anything 💋


Yves: Thanks for pointing out the typo ^~^🫶 Everyone I'm lying down over here eating jelly, please don't cry anymore., And have a good night🛌



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